Brain Chemistry Chronicles: I'm On to You, Brain

Saturday, July 20, 2013

I'm On to You, Brain

Today I had a thought concerning the idea I've had all along--that the bad brain chemistry that produces the pain is actually a physical phenomenon and therefore should be treated as such. If you have a headache or a backache or a stomach ache, you don't start thinking of what has gone wrong with your life to make you feel so bad. You don't start wondering what you can change in your life to make the headache or backache or stomach ache go away. You just go looking for a remedy. You don't blame yourself or your spouse or your boss for your stomach ache (although maybe you do if you think it's due to stress). You just look for a way to make it go away.

Brain chemistry pain is the same. It's a temporary condition that will go away in time. You don't have to change your life to make it go away. And even if the pain is severe and chronic, if it's physical pain you don't assume getting a new job is the answer to your future happiness. Unless there's a definite connection between your work and your pain (your assembly line job is causing you carpal tunnel syndrome, for instance), you don't blame your surroundings. You seek to change only what you need to change to go on with your day.

But when you're in the midst of a bad brain chemistry attack, you don't at first think to ignore it. It's so painful and so sudden that it's really hard to ignore. About an hour ago I had such a feeling. It swept over me like a sudden downpour. I felt terrible instantly. I couldn't help reacting with an impulse to do something to make it go away. The quickest action is to eat something like chocolate or other fat/sweet substance. I tried instead to make myself pay attention to the feeling. What is the physical part of it? How is it different from feeling "normal"?

Since I'm feeling that way right now, I can tell you that it's not easy. It's like a hot flash. You try to remedy it before you know the reason it's happening. Over the years I've had hot flashes, I've taken to asking people around me, "Is it hot in here or is it me?" before I go to change the thermostat or complain about the temperature in the room. Usually people will answer, sometimes with a slightly amused look, as if they are aware of the reason I'm asking. Pretty safe bet, knowing my approximate age (and gender).

So, what does the bad brain chemistry flash feel like? Well, I think my heart rate goes up, though I can't say for sure. My breathing gets shallow, I think. I feel kind of nervous-fluttery. Is this the fight or flight response? Maybe. Maybe it is. Can I ignore it? No, it's hard to ignore. But can I not react? Maybe. Maybe I can do what I do when I feel a hot flash come over me, sometimes--wait a few minutes and do nothing. Say to myself: Oh, this is a temporary bad feeling. It will pass momentarily. It's just my brain doing this to me. After all, the brain is what produces the hot flash, too. The brain produces the cravings that lead to addictive behavior. The brain does a lot of things based on internal signals that are not really connected to the external world. The brain doesn't necessarily need to be obeyed. The brain can be ignored by the conscious mind, if the conscious mind is alert and ready to get involved.

Maybe I can make this work. Just say something like, "Okay, brain, I'm on to you. So just get it over with, would you? I've got things to do." I'm going to have to try that method, see how it works.

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About this blog . . .

I created this blog as a place to write about my day to day struggles with what I call bad brain chemistry. In discussing those struggles, I also share my theories about bad brain chemistry and how its effects can be mitigated.

I started this project about 20 years ago, when depression and other bad moods were making my life miserable. A man I met during that time (now my husband) convinced me that I had to change; a therapist who offered medication scared me into finding a way to change. The result was my theory of brain chemistry, which goes beyond merely labeling mood disorders as physical phenomena and finding medication to fix them. I seek to explain bad brain chemistry in a way that shows the disorder to be rational and naturally human, and dealing with it something that a human can do through rational thought.

As I go along with this blog, I'll talk more about this theory and how I think people who have this condition tend to deal with it.

You're welcome to join me!

My Theory of Bad Brain Chemistry, Part I

My theories are based on how my mind works, but I think that I'm not alone, that other people share this problem with brain chemistry that doesn't work well in the modern world. My idea is that the way my brain works was advantageous at some point in the history of humanity. People like me, hyperalert people, were useful to human society because they were extremely aware of their environment.

In a situation where people are in constant danger of being devoured by predators, or attacked by human enemies, those who are hyperalert make good scouts, good watchers, good guards. Also useful to people who must hunt for food every day in order to eat are those who are good at seeing animal prey, noticing and remembering their patterns, their behavior, their defenses, their smell. And those who know how to find edible plants or other important items such as reeds or flints or underground sources of water will also be valued by their group.

Unfortunately, in modern society (especially middle class Western society), there's less need for hyperalert people because there's less danger from predators. And there's very little need to hunt down food or water or tools in one's surroundings--we can simply go to a store to get all those things, or even better, have them brought to us.

In this situation, being hyperalert is not only no longer an advantage; it seems instead a disadvantage. In fact, it's often thought of as a disability instead of a highly valued ability. I have only to cite the disruptive effect of hyperalertness on the modern elementary classroom to make my point. What has been termed ADD--attention deficit disorder--is to me hyperalertness, a condition of the brain that is not so much an inability to pay attention, as it is an inability to stop paying attention.

And it is this condition of hyperalertness, I believe, that can lead to depression, anger and other moods that make life quite difficult for many people, including me. What was once good brain chemistry is now deemed bad and in need of fixing.